Many Months Have Passed...

You know, it's funny, but sometimes I feel like I want one of my friends to secretly be reading all of this.
It's weird, the secrets we keep.
So, since my last post in October, I...

-Kissed one of my best friends for NO REASON.
-Made a new friend.
-Got closer to some old friends.
-Suffered some horrifying realizations.
-Realized how much I miss my sister when she's away.
-Saw the last days of a man's life, and saw him dead.

There is this peace in death, one that surpasses all understanding. I think that's out of the Bible, but wherever it's from, it's absolutely true.
To me, death isn't a black void. It isn't this terrible, inevitably ending. It's more like a beginning, or the connection of a circle. It's part of life, and I accept it entirely, into my soul. I don't fear it, or anything else like that.

There's this one moment of my life that I know I will remember until the end of time. I was sitting there on my grandmother's bed, holding my grandfather's hand, even though he was dead. And my father walks to the doorway, and he looks at his father, but he can't come any closer, and I see his face, and he is so afraid that he can't step into the room. I look at his eyes and realize that I am a braver person than my father will ever be, and I felt proud of myself and sad for him at the same time. The funny thing is, I don't even like him, and I pity him. Family is weird that way.