Growing Up

So this is growing up. Making these difficult decisions, making calls that you don't have to make. Doing things for other people, giving up the things that mean the most to you so that other people are happy, even when it means sacrificing your own happiness. Right now, I'm so sad that I feel all raw inside. I've given up something that I've been looking forward to for two years, to save my family stress. A lot of stress, and I feel glad for them, but I'm still selfish enough to be sad for me. I feel like my heart is breaking, and I feel guilty for feeling sad. It feels so self-absorbed of me. I guess that every once and a while, you need to take a little time to be sad, and then you have to suck it up and get on with your life. It's been less than 24 hours since I made that call, and it's still too fresh. I can pretend, but every so often, I need to let it out. Or maybe I don't. I guess I'll just hold it together and pretend that it's all okay. I can do that.